Sometimes I feel like I'm living the movie Idiocracy.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
I'm slowly trying to get my kids ingrained into my 141 Best Movies of All Time. However, I have to be selective due to the gore, blood, and cussing that's prevalent in most of the films.
That said, my NEW movie viewing has suffered a bit this year because of my fatherly duties of transforming them into film buffs. But, I'm trying.
I should note out of the 27 movies I need to see before 2015 (posted on November 11 of this year), I've seen a sorry six? Sad. Just sad.
So, don't take this list as a precursor to Academy Award winning movies. Rather take this as Top-20 list from a guy who takes limited trips to the theater and tries to catch new films on Pay-Per-View and DVD.
With that, please enjoy the positive doppelganger to yesterday's Worst Movies of 2014 list - brought to you by my twitter handle 1SentenceMovieReviews.
'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes': M-16s, apes, & post-apocalyptic angst merge with strong SFX and plot for an above-par cinematic experience
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 16, 2014
‘Interstellar’: Nolan’s ambitious, thought-provoking space opus combines great SFX with a solid story & mind-blowing physics.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 8, 2014
‘Chef’: Jon Favreau returns to his writing-directing indie roots serving up a tasty dish of humor, inspiration & zest for life.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 4, 2014
‘The Babadook’: Above-par Aussie indie film offering old-school scares, eerie chills & a new horror legend via a haunted children’s book.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 2, 2014
'Jodorowsky's Dune': If you're a film buff, check out this fascinating doc about one of the most ambitious sci-fi films that was never made.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 1, 2014
'X-Men: Days of Future Past': Expecting another mediocre Marvel flick, I'm pretty sure that I just watched the best of the entire X series.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 25, 2014
'Big Hero 6': It's a superb celebration of science with quality animation, smart dialogue, heaps of action, inspiring ideas & tons of heart
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 14, 2014
'Begin Again': Director Carney channels HUSTLE & FLOW, ONCE & JERRY MAGUIRE to create a heartfelt flick about chasing dreams & making music.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 6, 2014
'Night Moves': Under-the-rader, beautifully shot, well-directed & timely drama about three eco-terrorists who scheme to blow up a hydro dam.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) October 30, 2014
'Edge of Tomorrow': Liman blends STARSHIP TROOPERS with GROUNDHOG DAY to create a nearly flawless sci-fi flick starring Cruise and Blunt.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) October 16, 2014
‘Gone Girl’: Fincher’s dark, poignant, well-crafted film examines modern marriage, unrequited love, calculated revenge & mass media flaws.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) October 10, 2014
'Neighbors': From start to finish, a fun, above-par, laugh-out loud comedy as thirty-something Rogen and frat-boy Efron trade hostilities.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) September 25, 2014
'Grand Budapest Hotel': Beautifully shot & highly amusing, Fiennes leads an impressive cast through Wes Anderson's whimsical, creative world
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) August 27, 2014
‘Guardians of the Galaxy’: Imaginative storyline, clever dialogue & SFX eyegasms galore, a surprisingly fun sci-fi romp from start to Groot.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) August 12, 2014
'Snowpiercer': A brutally astonishing slice of post-apocalyptic sci-fi about class warfare being fought on an imaginative train to nowhere.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) July 24, 2014
'Her': Director Jonze's creativity shines through in this well-acted, eerie sci-fi rom-com about a man (Phoenix) in love with his OS system.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 20, 2014
'About Time': An eccentric family intertwines with time travel to make one helluva great rom com about love, life, relationships & happiness
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 21, 2014
'The World’s End': The final installment of Wright and Pegg’s Cornetto trilogy is a fun, freaky, nostalgic, creatively wild sci-fi ride.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 16, 2014
'The Lego Movie': One of the most creative, playful, visually stunning, laugh-out loud films I've seen in quite some time.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) February 10, 2014
'Captain America: The Winter Soldier': Cap's second feature is action-packed with a timely plot, above-par direction and cheeky dialogue.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 14, 2014
Friday, January 2, 2015
So, early last year, I started a Twitter account called #1SentenceMovieReview.
I was hoping that it would be my meal ticket out of here. I was hoping that I could make my millions off the great press and advertising from all the hits I was going to receive. I was hoping I could retire - and live the rest of my life in Puerto Rico posting movie reviews from the comfort of my own beach house, which I would call Eimer Lagoon.
Well, as my 15 followers and hardly any Twitter shares can attest, the experiment isn't going exactly as planned. However, I might as well see this little experiment through for the next couple years. If anything, it's a nice writing challenge to try and be succinct, funny and provocative in 140 characters or less.
So, with links to my twitter account, I give you the 15 worst movies I watched in 2014. Keep in mind, these are not necessarily 2014 movies, but movies I viewed in 2014 that I hated (hence the word 'experiences').
’22 Jump Street’: The gang's all back but it’s never a good sign when the end credits are wittier, snarkier & funnier than the entire movie.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 5, 2014
‘Into the Storm’: Despite the inspiring CG 'tornado of fire', this TWISTER-wannabe deserves a permanent trip ... into the crapper.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 3, 2014
'Hercules': Poor acting, meh battles, crappy SFX and blah storyline made me yearn for Kevin Sorbo's TV series & Lou Ferrigno's 1983 film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 7, 2014
‘Pompeii’: Mix GLADIATOR with TITANIC, then sprinkle in an active volcano, shitty acting & crappy SFX to create this vile pile of lava poo.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 4, 2014
'The Rover': Aussie post-economic collapse revenge flick that's humdrum & lumbering with little dialogue, violent tinges and an okay ending.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) October 21, 2014
'Willow Creek': It's a blatant BLAIR WITCH PROJECT ripoff that reeks like a pile of #Bigfoot poo.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) October 15, 2014
'The Amazing Spider-Man 2': When you & your kids are wondering when the movie is going to end you know you're watching a bad superhero film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) September 22, 2014
'The Other Woman': Female empowerment takes a blow thanks to this chick-flick with a vapid plot that could only be contrived in Hollywood.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) September 2, 2014
'Rio 2': Going from first to second, this creatively stuffed bird has lost its fancy plumage.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) August 8, 2014
'You're Next': Not another sub-par, slightly-bloody home invasion movie with bad guys brandishing knives & wearing funny creature masks.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 16, 2014
'Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues': The KVWN channel 4 news team is back, with a thin plot & many recycled jokes you saw in the first film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 1, 2014
‘Incredible Burt Wonderstone’: Pulling a turd out of a hat is more entertaining than this d’illusional magician comedy.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 17, 2014
'The Heat': McCarthy & Bullock play two very different cops as they try for Beverly Hills Cop laughs, but only manage Turner & Hooch.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 14, 2014
'The Lone Ranger': Even Johnny Depp as Tonto can't save this lengthy, plodding and all-around Ke-mo Slop-ee film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) March 4, 2014
'Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters': It's Harry Potter in the water … with a tip of the hat to Pinocchio.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 7, 2014
LOOKING FOR MORE SHITTY MOVIES?
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
It feels like my book-reading took a hit this year and I'm not really sure why. Maybe I'm busier at work. Maybe the sandman is dumping more sleepy sand at night. Maybe I'm watching more movies. Maybe I read a bunch of crappy books last year.
Yeah, it was the last one.
Well, at least I managed to scrape together a top-ten list of some pretty good books spanning a wide array of genres. Enjoy! Links will direct you to Goodreads.com for you to conveniently bookmark onto your 'To Read' list.
I read this book back in 1995 in a drunken stupor. I thought it all soaked into my lead noggin, but it didn't. And I was happy that I decided revisited this little gem. It's a mix of Vonnegut's first-hand experience on the Bombing of Dresden, which pretty much leveled the city - as well as a little bit of science fiction thrown in for good measure. To me, the thing that stands out about this novel is the writing. The loose, almost effortless writing that comes from Vonnegut's brain. It makes me want to strangle him he's so good (sadly, he's already passed so I don't have to). This rejuvenated my interest in this writer, and writing art form as a whole, as I'll be checking out more of his work in the near future.
This comic book series (comprised of 6 volumes) is just a cool horror story that kept me guessing, kept me enthralled and kept me immersed in this pretty interesting idea. Hats off to Joe Hill, who can now remove the cloak of Stephen King's son, which I'm assuming why he chose a pseudonym. He’s in a league of his own. This graphic novel is filled with fantastic art by Rogriguez and dialogue by Hill. If you're a comic book enthusiast looking for something to do this winter, check this out. Highly recommended.
I picked up this book after I found out David Fincher was directing a feature film based on this book - with help from the author Flynn (which is always nice). That said, enjoyable read with a nice twist on the missing wife thriller. In film terms, the book reminded me a bit of War of the Roses mixed with Body Heat mixed with The Fugitive. You never know what's going to happen, but when you think you have it all figured out, Flynn takes you onto a different highway (so to speak). In any event, very entertaining read. Some people were thrown off by the tone of voice and the switch of narrative tones. But it didn't bother me too much. Flynn has a knack of ratcheting up the suspense by condensing the chapters and ending them with just enough of a hint to make you want to read more. In any event, check it out before it hits theaters. Because, after you see the movie ... you'll never want to read the book. Am I right?
After reading this book about one of my ten favorite movies of all time, it boggles the mind that this movie was even half as good as Star Wars - let alone better than the original. This book gives an insider's perspective on the entire motion picture from brainstorm, script, production all the way through to final cut and release - with everything thrown in from location shoots in arctic temperatures, to set design, special effects, make-up, costumes and art direction. And the problems. To speak as Yoda, Many problems this movie had. From script problems, special effects snafus, location shots gone awry, internal strife, bloating egos, bloated budgets and months over deadline, the crew suffered a wide array of snafus. But, the creativity and ingenuity they used to work their way out of all of the problems is just mind boggling. Just a fantastic book from start to finish. Highly recommended if you’re a fan of the film or just a film fan.
Very entertaining 'western'. Almost a smart western, if there is such a thing. Reminded me of a collaboration between Cormac McCarthy and the Coen Brothers. Moments of deep thought, casual conversation and minimal action (i.e. living life) with dabs of violence, gore, death and drips of blood mixed in. deWitt's great dialogue (i.e. using them 'big' words) in a Western novel pulls this out of the three-star cellar. Sadly, I think we're going through a dumbing down phase in our culture. Who's to say that well-read, educated people of the past spoke better grammar and used bigger words than we do nowadays? It could very well be a possibility, which made this book even more of a joy to read. Quick read. Fun read. Bloody read. Check 'er out.
I grew up somewhat religious. Then, I was a rebellious anti-religious teenager which stretched through college and into my 30's. Now, as I've had time to think, reflect, and learn more about life, I've come back to appreciate religion as a whole - sort of like Pi Patel in Life of Pi. But not really. I think as long as you're not some sort of crazy fanatic, religion is actually a pretty positive thing. But, look around this world, there are a ton of different religions. Judaism. Islam. Buddhism. Taoism. Christianity. Someone has to be wrong, right? Right? Maybe not. Many people may hate Aslan's book, but I found this an interesting read. Someone that has taken the bible, taken Jesus's story and has tried to figure out what it all means. There are a lot of questions that he brings up that makes you think, complete with Bible references to back up his theories. Was John the Baptist the true visionary for Christianity as it is today? Is the Anti-Semitism through the ages warranted based on the writings in the bible? Was Jesus born in Bethlehem? What of Jesus's life prior to his Baptism on the banks of the River Jordan? Where some of Pontius Pilate’s actions and decisions stated in the bible a bit out of character for a prefect? And why was Jesus the chosen one when there were plenty of other self-proclaimed Messiahs who were executed prior to his crucifixion? In this book, Islam - who was raised as a Muslim - tries to make sense of it all. Look, I'm not trying to stir up an angry hornet's nest, but - to me - a person who doesn't have it all figured out - this was a very enlightening read. Pick it up, read it for yourself and make up your own mind.
Wow. Can't say enough positive things about this book. If you're a fan of Pixar or animation, someone who works in the creative realm, or even a manager in some sort of other field, this is a great book for you. You know what I hate? Books written by successful businessmen that don't talk about their failures and only discuss everything they've achieved in their career - like they've never made a mistake in their life. Ed Catmull, one of the founders of Pixar and the current President of Pixar animation and Walt Disney Animation Studios, does the exact opposite. This book is filled with failures, mistakes, blunders and the like that happened to Pixar. Sure, it talks about the successes, but - in my opinion - you learn more from people's mistakes. It's amazing how much Catmull shares, but I applaud him for his honesty as it relates to managing a creative team, the creative process, good ideas coming from anyone, pushing a story to it's fullest capabilities, running a company, and motivating team members. Just a fantastic book with a lot of inside stories - warts and all. Highly recommended.
I read that Matt Damon and Director Ridley Scott were circling this project for a possible film, which intrigued me enough to check it out. Not reading the book cover or the synopsis, I was expecting a crazy Mars Attacks, War of the Worlds-type of alien book, but it's entirely something, refreshingly different. Something like Nolan's Interstellar, but I think a bit ... better. An astronaut is trapped on Mars and is trying to survive. Almost like Apollo 13 on Mars, but with just one astronaut. Very imagined, creative world by Andy Weir. It would take a lot of insight, engineering and scientific chops to pull off a fictional book this ambitious - and make it seem almost plausible. Curious if he just did a lot of studying on the subject and/or interviewed a number of high-level NASA administrators to pull off this intriguing book? (Probably both). In any event, if you're a fan of hard-core science fiction (not sci-fi), check this book out. It's not John Carter fantasy fiction. It almost feels like the real thing.
I thought it was going to be an expose on why schools outside of the United States are much better at studying, test-taking and overall success than our own. But Ripley, a seasoned journalist, takes an unbiased approach in examining studying 'successful' teaching methods by following three American exchange students who traveled to three of the 'brightest' schools in the world: Finland, Korea and Poland. In a nutshell, her findings come back to (among other findings) all-around rigor (i.e pushing the student mixed with a well-balanced educational growth through the years), the teacher's who are in the classroom, the parents contribution not in the schools but with their studies and a focus on studies rather than athletics. SHOCK! Makes sense, right? Is it going to change anything in this country? Probably not. That said, my wife and I are taking it upon ourselves to help further my children's excitement (i.e. their well-roundedness) about learning, curiosity and playing -- outside of the classroom. Teach them to be responsible. Don't hold their hand so much. Let them make mistakes. Let them learn from their mistakes. Talk to them. Ask them about their school, about their teachers, and what exactly they're doing at school for 8 hours every day. And serve as a support system to foster their learning outside of the classroom - almost as a supplement or extra class as to what they're learning in school. This is all stuff Ripley talks about in her appendix, which makes total sense to me. I'm sure people will pull different things from this book, there's a lot of facts to glean, but that's what I grabbed. Check it out for yourself and see what you come up with.
It's the perfect summer read for film and gamer geeks. If you liked the 1979 movie Scavenger Hunt (which is available to view for free on YouTube), you have a thing for 80's nostalgia and Legend of Zelda-esque video games then you'll love this story revolving around an online search for a billion dollar prize. It's a fun, entertaining popcorn novel that's dipped in pop culture and reads like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Truth be told, it was very hard to put down. Sure, it can be a bit corny at times, but it was a fun read. Like I said, the perfect summer read for all ages of nerds and geeks. Check 'er out.
Other Top Reads From Year's Past:
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Well, it's that time of the year. No, not Thanksgiving and Christmas, you moron.
It that time of year when all of the good movies come out ... and I'm stuck at home, sitting, waiting, anxiously pawing at the window, praying for a wormhole to hop into so I can head to the movie theater to see the following 27 movies before Father Time cuts off his head with his dull scythe as the final seconds tick away on 2014 and Baby New Year 2015 is born. (Whew, that was a mouthful)
So, here's my movie viewing wish list (in no particular order):
- X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST - Bryan Singer returns to his roots ... of filming X-men movies.
- INTERSTELLAR - Christopher Nolan's new space opus starring that one guy who won an award.
- BIRDMAN - Michael Keaton stars as a washed-up former superhero movie star.
- FURY - Pitt. Tanks. World War 2. Directed by the guy who wrote Training Day.
- NIGHTSTALKER - Jake G. returns to his Donnie Darko insanity roots.
- BIG HERO 6 - Disney's latest (and greatest) from the Tangled, Wreck-It-Ralph and Frozen crew.
- AMERICAN SNIPER - Clint Eastwood. Bradley Cooper. Navy S.E.A.L.S killing people.
- DUMB AND DUMBER TO - It may suck, but I just have to see it.
- FOXCATCHER - Steve Carrell. Drama. Wrestling. Murder.
- ST. VINCENT - Bill Murray is getting rave reviews.
- THE IMITATION GAME - It's getting Oscar buzz. It's about Codebreakers during WW2. I'm sold.
- THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING - Watch Errol Morris' 'A Brief History of Time' before you see this.
- WILD - Loved the book. Good choice of acting. Plus, it's a movie about hiking the PCT. Sold!
- EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS - A sandle epic about Moses directed by Ridley Scott. Ticket, please!
- INHERENT VICE - If Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson filmed a movie about toasting bread, I'd go see it.
- THE HOBBIT: BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES - Duh.
- BIG EYES - Tim Burton turns his lens to the painter(s)? behind those 50's & 60's Big Eye portraits
- UNBROKEN - Loved the book. Trailer looks good. Angelina Jolie directs.
- TRACKS - Another female heroine who decides to trek the Australian outback.
- CHEF - Heard good things about Favreau's latest, I just haven't had the time to see it.
- HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2 - My kids saw it and loved it. I just haven't had the time.
- 20,000 DAYS ON EARTH - Nick Cave documentary that may or may not be 100% true.
- BOYHOOD - Richard Linklater's ambitious 12-year filming project just may win the big prize this year.
- WHIPLASH - I hear it's like STAND AND DELIVER meets the first part of FULL METAL JACKET ... with drums.
- LIFE ITSELF - Documentary about Roger Ebert.
- JODOROWSKY'S DUNE - Did you know another cult film director besides David Lynch was going to take on the movie Dune? What?!! You don't care?
- DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - I'll probably catch this on the rebound on DVD or OnDemand. Can't wait to see it.
Welp there you have it. 27 films that I must see before the end of 2014. Will I achieve my goal? Probably not. But wish me luck anyway! By the end of this week, I should have four scratched off the list.
What about you? Which movies are you looking forward to seeing before the ball drops ... literally and figuratively?
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Eimer Note: I've had this one in the hopper for quite some time - since maybe early April 2014. But, for whatever reason, I was hesitant on releasing it to the public. Not sure why. In any event, enjoy.
(click image to enlarge)